EXT: AT THE FARM GATE OFF THE ROAD
Martin stands at the gate leading into the yard. A touristy type parks and approaches Martin in a bit of a hurry.
TOURIST: I say, my good man, is there a toilet?
Martin can be a man of few words when it suits him.
TOURIST: Well where is it I need to go.
MARTIN: Well you didn’t say that.
Tourist has pained expression on his face.
TOURIST: Well I thought that would be obvious!
MARTIN: Well no sir you just asked if there was a toilet, you didn’t say you needed to go.
TOURIST: Well where is it?
MARTIN: Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?
Tourist looking exasperated
TOURIST: Where is it, please?
MARTIN: Thank you. Manners don’t cost nothing you know. It’s through that gate and round the corner to your left.
TOURIST: (relieved) Thank you!
Tourist leaves to find the toilet. Hurries back seconds later. The pained expression on his face is now more urgent.
TOURIST: Its locked!
MARTIN: Aye! It always is.
TOURIST: How do I get in?
MARTIN: Well that’s simple. You need a key. Don’t you townies know anything?
TOURIST: Yes I know that, but where do I get the key?
MARTIN: You have to buy one.
TOURIST: But I need to go now!
MARTIN: Well you can’t go in that one.
TOURIST: Why not?
MARTIN: It’s locked!
MARTIN: it’s not a public toilet.
MARTIN: That’s why it’s kept locked.
TOURIST: Well why didn’t you say that?
MARTIN: You didn’t ask!
Martin looks down at the man’s nether regions as a wet patch appears.
MARTIN: There is a toilet across the bridge at Annie’s, but it doesn’t matter now you don’t need it.
Martin smiled. As the man walked away in embarrassment Martin says under his breath.
MARTIN: Seems like manners isn’t the only thing that townies aren’t taught at home.