Saturday, 20 April 2013

Scene from TV series (one of only two scenes I have)

EXT: AT THE FARM GATE OFF THE ROAD

Martin stands at the gate leading into the yard. A touristy type parks and approaches Martin in a bit of a hurry.

TOURIST: I say, my good man, is there a toilet?

MARTIN: Yes

Martin can be a man of few words when it suits him.

TOURIST: Well where is it I need to go.

MARTIN: Well you didn’t say that.

Tourist has pained expression on his face.

TOURIST: Well I thought that would be obvious!

MARTIN: Well no sir you just asked if there was a toilet, you didn’t say you needed to go.

TOURIST: Well where is it?

MARTIN: Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?

Tourist looking exasperated

TOURIST: Where is it, please?

MARTIN: Thank you. Manners don’t cost nothing you know. It’s through that gate and round the corner to your left.

TOURIST: (relieved) Thank you!

Tourist leaves to find the toilet. Hurries back seconds later. The pained expression on his face is now more urgent.

TOURIST: Its locked!

MARTIN: Aye! It always is.

TOURIST: How do I get in?

MARTIN: Well that’s simple. You need a key. Don’t you townies know anything?

TOURIST: Yes I know that, but where do I get the key?

MARTIN: You have to buy one.

TOURIST: But I need to go now!

MARTIN: Well you can’t go in that one.

TOURIST: Why not?

MARTIN: It’s locked!

MARTIN: it’s not a public toilet.

MARTIN: That’s why it’s kept locked.

TOURIST: Well why didn’t you say that?

MARTIN: You didn’t ask!

Martin looks down at the man’s nether regions as a wet patch appears.

MARTIN: There is a toilet across the bridge at Annie’s, but it doesn’t matter now you don’t need it.

Martin smiled. As the man walked away in embarrassment Martin says under his breath.

MARTIN: Seems like manners isn’t the only thing that townies aren’t taught at home.

1 comment:

Shaun said...

brilliant. The townies never think of having a pee before they leave the house either.